EDIT: [13/12]
My aunt passed away at 6:05 pm today.
Right now, the world has ended. But it will start again, I promise. Even if I see things every where that remind me of you, I'll just bear with it. Because that's what you would want me to do. If you were here, you would give me a hug and tell me to stay strong. I won't let you down. One day, I'm going to be awesome and you're going to look down from somewhere up there and you're going to be proud of me.
And for you, I'll bake that cake you promised we would make together. At your funeral, I'm going to wear that shirt you bought for me even if it's a bright yellow. With cats on it.
I won't give a damn about what other people say.
I don't care about people who think they know you. But they don't.
Go peacefully and all that, because you don't need to worry about us. We'll get on with our lives one day. But we will never, ever forget about you. (And I promise not to torture myself with old photos)
My aunt, she's been in the hospital for a while now. No one thought it would get this bad, there was a point where she was getting much better. Then this morning, my dad got a call from a doctor and they said they found some stupid infection and by then it was way too late to do anything. She only has a day or two left now.
SERIOUSLY DOCTORS?? YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL YOURSELF DOCTORS? MAN, I HATE THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU.
When we rushed there in the morning, I just cried my eyes out. And now they hurt. Real bad.
Then we had to go to the hospital a second time because after my parents called all my other aunties/uncles/relatives, they all wanted to talk to us and stuff. By that time, I just wanted to stare mindlessly at the TV but I was dragged off to the hospital again. I couldn't cry any more, so I sat in the waiting lounge reading Harry Potter and drinking hot chocolate, while everyone was sobbing or looking (or trying to look) miserable. Apparently I gave them the shut-the-hell-up glare because to my dear aunties and uncles, I am now the heartless niece who couldn't even feel sorry for her poor aunt. Well I'm sorry but you can only spill a certain amount of emotions before you shrivel up into a soulless shell. Not like that has happened, but it will if I continue like this. HOW DO YOU KNOW I DIDN'T CRY?
Everyone just wants to curl up and die now, and before anyone else tries it, trying to drown yourself in the toilet doesn't work, unless you've got a bathtub (I don't). Or a really big toilet bowl. Well, everyone except my brother. He's taking it the kid way, he's miserable for a few hours until he gets some chocolate and everything in the world is OK again. The world just got back on its axis and started turning again. But I don't blame you for that because I'm going to get on with my life anyway. If I stay this way, they're going to hold MY funeral next. I'm going to move on even if it makes me a something.
Even if it makes me a selfish jerk.
Even if it makes me a selfish, heartless jerk.
Even if I feel a little guilty.
A LOT GUILTY.
And to my aunt, I'm going to say goodbye, and I love you. You were always there for me, and I'm sorry I can't be here for you now. I hope you'll have a peaceful afterlife and you'll be happy wherever you are. I also hope that you'll move on, because that's just the right thing to do.
And I'm going to hope your super mind-reading powers pick up everything else I want you to know but I couldn't tell you at the hospital because I didn't know how to say it.
I'm always going to remember you, but I'm not going to remember you as a sick person. I'm going to remember you as the happy, selfless-to-the-point-of-not-caring-for-yourself, caring, kind, loving person you were. I'm going to dig out old photos no matter how much it hurts me inside. Everything that you got for me, every meal that you cooked, everything that I took for granted? I'm going to thank you for all that now.
Because you never know how precious something is until you lose it. GREAT, I'M CRYING NOW. Like I said, I hope you'll understand everything I wanted to tell you but just can't.
And I want you to know that you were, and still are, the best aunt in the world.
and i'm sorry for not seeing that when you were still here
RANT. OVER. (longest journal entry in my world)
Sta.sh
Name: こだま
Age: 14 <D.O.B> 14/02/1996
Likes: Pudding, Anime, Manga, Tokyo, Japan, anything related to manga and so on...
Dislikes: Anything I can't understand XD
Race: Asian [and I'm proud ;D ]
--
and it's strangely cold..
--
*The person you see now is a Chinese from a Chinese family who can't speak or understand Chinese. She should not, by any means, be called a retard to her face.
Any conversation may result in serious injury and could get you infected with Randomitis.*
--
and it's strangely cold..
--
*The person you see now is a Chinese from a Chinese family who can't speak or understand Chinese. She should not, by any means, be called a retard to her face.
Any conversation may result in serious injury and could get you infected with Randomitis.*
--
╔══╗♫ *´”)
║██║ ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) ♫ ♪
║(O)║ (¸.•´ (¸.• ♫ ♪
╚══╝Deep in the meadow,under the willow
A bed of grass,a soft green pillow
Lay down your head,and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open,the sun will rise.
-pancake1124
--
*The person you see now is a Chinese from a Chinese family who can't speak or understand Chinese. She should not, by any means, be called a retard to her face.
Any conversation may result in serious injury and could get you infected with Randomitis.*
--
╔══╗♫ *´”)
║██║ ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) ♫ ♪
║(O)║ (¸.•´ (¸.• ♫ ♪
╚══╝Deep in the meadow,under the willow
A bed of grass,a soft green pillow
Lay down your head,and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open,the sun will rise.
-pancake1124
--
( ´Д`)....
.......Why am i draw so slow?! T口T
--
*The person you see now is a Chinese from a Chinese family who can't speak or understand Chinese. She should not, by any means, be called a retard to her face.
Any conversation may result in serious injury and could get you infected with Randomitis.*
--
( ´Д`)....
.......Why am i draw so slow?! T口T